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Literature Text
The stench of betrayal is overbearing.
Lips, bloodstained.
Cheeks streaked with tears.
The blade of your false love is still visible;
It juts from my scarlet soaked clothes and melting skin.
My breath is coated with despair.
The lungs in my chest are lined with shards of glass.
Your whispers of lame remorse send my heart of feathers shuddering.
I can still feel your lips on my forehead,
Our fingers laced tightly together.
My strangled bliss is forgotten in the corner of reality.
There is no more reality.
You have stolen even that from me.
Lips, bloodstained.
Cheeks streaked with tears.
The blade of your false love is still visible;
It juts from my scarlet soaked clothes and melting skin.
My breath is coated with despair.
The lungs in my chest are lined with shards of glass.
Your whispers of lame remorse send my heart of feathers shuddering.
I can still feel your lips on my forehead,
Our fingers laced tightly together.
My strangled bliss is forgotten in the corner of reality.
There is no more reality.
You have stolen even that from me.
© Haley Campbell 2011.
The republication without links to the author, any editing and use in commercial objectives is forbidden.
The republication without links to the author, any editing and use in commercial objectives is forbidden.
© 2011 - 2024 Haley-Kun
Comments6
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intense, very theatrical.
I was reading this imagining a character from a Shakespeare play saying the words.
Your imagery is simple, and the route you took was at times predictable. But you would shut me up with lines such as "My strangled bliss is forgotten in the corner of reality." which is a dreamy / surreal thought, the kind of which I'm fond of.
Your final line is heavy without being over the top. very balanced work.
But I can tell you have potential to make your audience teeter. Try mixing in a heavy complex vocabulary followed by simple prose. Make the reader feel like you're about to spew up a thesaurus, then bring them to your human side by writing a simple line in prose
Play with our feelings!
hope this helps.
happy writing.
I was reading this imagining a character from a Shakespeare play saying the words.
Your imagery is simple, and the route you took was at times predictable. But you would shut me up with lines such as "My strangled bliss is forgotten in the corner of reality." which is a dreamy / surreal thought, the kind of which I'm fond of.
Your final line is heavy without being over the top. very balanced work.
But I can tell you have potential to make your audience teeter. Try mixing in a heavy complex vocabulary followed by simple prose. Make the reader feel like you're about to spew up a thesaurus, then bring them to your human side by writing a simple line in prose
Play with our feelings!
hope this helps.
happy writing.